Why Feeling Safe in Your Own Body Can Feel Impossible (And How to Change That)
Have you ever caught yourself going through the motions of your day while feeling like you're watching it happen from somewhere else? Like there's this invisible barrier between you and actually being present in your own life?
Maybe it's that weird floaty feeling during conversations, like your voice is coming from someone else. Or the way you can't seem to get comfortable in your own skin, no matter how you sit or stand. Perhaps you've noticed how your body feels like it's constantly braced for something bad to happen, even when you're doing perfectly normal things like grocery shopping or watching Netflix.
This isn't about being "spacey" or distracted. This is about your body making a very smart decision to protect you by creating distance from experiences that feel unsafe or overwhelming. The problem is, sometimes that protective mechanism gets stuck in the "on" position, leaving you feeling disconnected from yourself and the world around you.
When your nervous system decides that being fully present is too risky, it can leave you feeling like a stranger in your own body. You might find yourself going through the motions without really feeling anything, or feeling everything so intensely that you need to check out just to cope.
The thing is, your body isn't broken or doing this to mess with you. It's actually trying to help. But somewhere along the way, it learned that staying disconnected was safer than staying present. And now it needs some gentle convincing that it's okay to come back home to yourself.
Why We Lose the Feeling of Safety in Our Bodies
Your body is basically a really sophisticated security system that's constantly asking one question: "Am I safe right now?" And when the answer keeps coming back as "nope" or "unclear," it starts making some pretty creative decisions to protect you.
Sometimes those decisions make perfect sense in the moment. If you grew up in a house where emotions felt dangerous, your body learned to numb out or disconnect when feelings got too big. If you experienced trauma, your nervous system might have decided that staying alert and disconnected was better than being present and vulnerable.
But here's where it gets tricky: your body doesn't always update its security protocols when circumstances change. That hypervigilant system that kept you safe as a kid might still be running the show, even though you're now an adult in a completely different situation.
Here’s why that happens:
Your Nervous System Is Stuck in Survival Mode
Your autonomic nervous system (ANS) controls your body's stress response. If you’ve experienced trauma, ongoing stress, or neglect, your ANS may be stuck in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn mode.
This makes it hard to fully relax because your body is constantly scanning for danger, even when there’s none.
Trauma Disconnects You from Your Body
Sometimes your body becomes the last place you want to hang out. If you've experienced trauma, chronic pain, or situations where being present in your body felt dangerous or overwhelming, your brain might have made the very smart decision to just... leave.
Dissociation isn't your brain being dramatic or broken. It's your brain being incredibly resourceful, finding a way to protect you when staying present felt like too much to handle.
🌫️ What Disconnection Actually Looks Like
Feeling like you're watching your life happen instead of living it
Forgetting to eat because you literally can't feel hunger signals
Being surprised when someone points out you're exhausted or in pain
Flinching away from gentle touch, even from people you trust
Going through entire days without really feeling like you were "there"
Think of dissociation like your nervous system's emergency exit. When staying present felt unsafe, your brain found a way to create distance. It's actually pretty brilliant, even if it doesn't feel that way now.
The tricky part is that once your brain learns this trick, it can start using it even when you're actually safe. It's like having a smoke alarm that goes off every time you make toast - the system works, it's just a little too sensitive now.
Reconnecting with your body after trauma isn't about forcing yourself to "just be present." It's about slowly, gently convincing your nervous system that your body can be a safe place to live again. And that process gets to happen at whatever pace feels right for you.
What Does It Take to Feel Safe in Your Own Body?
Healing requires working with your nervous system—not against it. Here’s what it takes:
Getting to Know Your Nervous System's Moods
Your nervous system has basically three main settings, and learning to recognize which one you're in is like having a roadmap for what you actually need in any given moment.
🚨 When You're Stuck in "Go Mode" (Fight-or-Flight)
Your heart feels like it's trying to escape your chest
Breathing happens somewhere up in your throat instead of your belly
You can't sit still, but you also can't actually get anything done
Everything feels urgent, even choosing what to have for lunch
Your body feels like it's vibrating with anxious energy
🛑 When You're in "Shutdown Mode" (Freeze)
It's like someone turned down the volume on your emotions
Your brain feels wrapped in cotton - thoughts move like molasses
You're exhausted but not in a "good tired" way
You feel like you're watching your life through a foggy window
Simple tasks feel impossibly heavy
✅ When You're Actually Okay (Regulated)
You can take a deep breath that actually reaches your belly
Your thoughts flow without getting stuck in loops
You feel present in your body instead of floating above it
You can handle normal life stuff without it feeling like a crisis
Set a few random phone alarms throughout the day and when they go off, just notice: Where am I right now? What's my body doing? No fixing, no judging, just noticing. You might be surprised by what you discover.
The goal isn't to always be regulated (because that's not realistic), but to catch yourself when you're not and know what might actually help.
Engaging in Safe, Gentle Body Awareness
Your body isn't the enemy here, even though it might feel like it sometimes. It's more like a really anxious friend who's been hurt before and needs some gentle convincing that it's okay to let their guard down.
The key is starting so small that your nervous system doesn't even notice you're doing anything. We're talking baby steps that feel almost silly, but that's exactly the point.
🤏 Start Ridiculously Small
Wiggle your fingers and actually notice what that feels like
Take one conscious breath (not ten, just one)
Notice the temperature of your hands
Feel your feet on the ground for like three seconds
💝 Add Some Comfort
Put a hand over your heart like you're comforting a friend
Hold a warm mug and actually pay attention to the warmth
Wrap yourself in something soft and notice how it feels
Give yourself a gentle hug (yes, really)
Your body has its own timeline for feeling safe again, and pushing it to "just relax already" usually backfires. If something feels like too much, it probably is. Back off and try something smaller.
Think of this like coaxing a scared cat out from under the bed. You don't grab it and force it out - you sit quietly nearby and let it come to you when it's ready.
The goal isn't to feel amazing right away. It's just to start building tiny moments of "oh, this is actually okay" so your body can remember what safety feels like.
Strengthening the Vagus Nerve for Nervous System Resilience
Your vagus nerve is basically your body's built-in chill pill. It's this long, wandering nerve that connects your brain to pretty much everything important, and when it's working well, it's like having a really good friend who can talk you down from a panic spiral.
The cool thing about the vagus nerve is that you can actually strengthen it, kind of like going to the gym but way less sweaty and annoying.
🎵 Make Some Noise
Hum while you're doing dishes or folding laundry
Sing in the car (badly, if you want - your vagus nerve doesn't judge)
Even gargling water for 30 seconds can do the trick
🧊 Shock Your System (Gently)
Splash cold water on your face when you're feeling overwhelmed
Hold an ice cube for a few seconds
End your shower with 30 seconds of cold water (work up to this one)
🫁 Breathe Like You Mean It
Make your exhales longer than your inhales (like 4 counts in, 6 counts out)
Breathe into your belly instead of your chest
Don't overthink it - even a few conscious breaths count
🪑 Get Your Sway On
Gentle rocking in a chair
Swaying side to side while standing
Even just shifting your weight from foot to foot
These aren't magic tricks, but they are ways to send your nervous system a little text message that says "hey, we're good here." And sometimes that's all it takes to shift from "everything is terrible" to "okay, I can handle this."
Relearning That Rest Is Safe
If your nervous system has been running security detail for years, the idea of actually resting can feel like you're abandoning your post. Your body might literally panic when you try to slow down, flooding you with restless energy or that "something bad is about to happen" feeling.
🌊 Ease Into It (Don't Cannonball)
Try "active rest" - gentle rocking, slow stretching, or even just fidgeting with something soft
Wrap yourself in a weighted blanket or hold a warm drink so your hands have something to do
Give your brain a small job like listening to rain sounds or counting your breaths (just to 5, not 100)
The trick is finding that sweet spot between "doing nothing" (which feels scary) and "doing everything" (which feels exhausting). You're looking for that middle ground where you can rest without your nervous system freaking out about it.
Practicing Co-Regulation: Healing Through Connection
Here's something our culture gets really wrong: we act like healing and feeling safe should be solo projects. But your nervous system actually learns safety through connection with others, not just through breathing exercises in your bedroom.
👥 Borrowing Calm from Others
Spend time with people whose energy feels steady and safe (even if you don't talk about anything deep)
Let yourself actually receive hugs, pet a dog, or lean into safe physical comfort
Listen to voices that feel soothing - whether that's a friend, a podcast host, or even an audiobook narrator
Your nervous system can literally "borrow" regulation from someone else's calm energy. It's called co-regulation, and it's not cheating - it's how humans are designed to heal.
You don't have to figure out safety all by yourself. Sometimes the fastest way back to feeling okay is through connection with someone who already feels okay.
Working with a Therapist to Rebuild a Felt Sense of Safety
Look, if your nervous system has been stuck in "danger mode" for months or years, trying to fix it with breathing exercises and self-help articles is like trying to perform surgery with a butter knife. Sometimes you need someone who actually knows what they're doing.
A good trauma-informed therapist isn't going to make you relive your worst moments or push you to "just get over it." They're more like a really skilled nervous system translator who can help you:
Figure out why your body learned to stay on high alert in the first place
Practice feeling safe in tiny, manageable doses without overwhelming your system
Learn to recognize the difference between actual danger and your nervous system's false alarms
Your Body Can Learn to Feel Safe Again
If feeling safe in your own body feels impossible, you’re not broken—your nervous system is just doing what it was wired to do.
When you’ve lived in a constant state of alert or anxiety, it’s hard to trust that calm is even possible. The goal isn’t to force healing or fake safety—it’s to gently retrain your system, one small step at a time.
Next Steps:
✅ Try one nervous system regulation tool for just 30 seconds
✅ Notice your body’s responses with curiosity instead of judgment
✅ Reach out for support—you don’t have to figure this out alone
Your body isn’t the problem. It’s trying to protect you. With the right support, you can help it feel safe again.
👉 Want to learn more about how I support clients through anxiety? Explore my approach to online therapy for anxiety and how we can work together to calm your nervous system and build lasting resilience. I’m a multi-state licensed therapist in Idaho, Utah, Colorado, Connecticut, and Florida, serving clients via HIPAA-compliant telehealth.
